On this particular morning she woke up feeling less than 100%. Her body was experiencing ill sensations from a combination of the previous night’s consumption and the lack of food in her alcohol scorched digestive system. Although she was quite accustomed to regular Friday night binges followed promptly by Saturday morning hangovers, her body was sending a new kind of distress signal which made her panic enough to make a doctor’s appointment.

The preliminary diagnosis was not at all comforting. The doctor, though reluctant to give any conclusive answers until the test results came back, suspected that my good friend was suffering from a choice of two common infections. The ailments that the good doctor referred to were of the kind which supposedly afflicted the nether regions of unfortunate souls who indulge in carnal pleasures with suspected carriers, and without adequate protection. Her first reaction was to speak to her then boyfriend and only lover at the time. That conversation didn’t go well considering that his advice to her was, “Pray harder and read the bible.”

When the doctor finally gave her a conclusive diagnosis, my dear friend was relieved beyond measure. She was so happy about her womanhood being free of infection that the news about her malfunctioning kidney didn’t seem to bother her one bit. In fact the doctor’s news became cause for celebration and we did drink some more. So, dear readers, I ask you this: given the choice between a sexually transmitted disease and a malfunctioning kidney, which would you rather be afflicted with?